Tonight I was on Facebook and one of my friends Sara posted something that just really rang true(see below.) I guess this week is not just a big week for Carter it is for me as well. My first born son, my guardian angel is turning the big 16. Sixteen is one of those big bdays because it symbolizes more independence, responsibility and maturity. Sixteen is when they get their drivers license which is a huge responsibility and leads to discovering new freedom. They become more aware of their future and start to seriously think about College and their future. All of these things leave me as a mom longing for the days when he was 6.
10 years ago on September 11 2001 we lived in Seattle, Washington. Carter was turning 6 on the 15th and Zach was just 8 months old. I remember waking up, getting everyone ready to take Carter to school,we dropped him off and went to go get my coffee at my fav coffee drive thru. When I pulled up the lady said "Oh my god can you believe what is happening? I looked at her a little puzzled, I had no idea what she was talking about and would have never guessed at what she was about to tell me. It all seemed like something out of a movie, could this really be happening here? In America? I quickly turned on my car radio and tried to call my husband but couldn't get through, so I tried the school and couldn't get through. At that point I just started driving back over to the school to go pick up Carter. Since no one seemed to know if and when there might be another attack. When I arrived at Carter's school there were a ton of people there doing the same thing. Pulling their kids out in order to assure their safety.
I remember Carter asking me questions and having to explain what was happening but not leading on that I too was afraid. I told him when we get home, go downstairs and play in the playroom while mommy watches the news and makes some calls. I told him don't worry, its going to be o.k.
I remember watching the towers go down and my heart sinking.The Pentagon and shaking my head and I remember hearing about United 93 and thinking what amazing heroes! I also remember that night we were all in fear, fear of the unknown. Would they strike again? If so where? As Sean and I lay in our bed that night we could hear fighter jets flying over. Something you don't hear to often. At times they were so low it sounded like a big boom. It was a night of little sleep.
Carter woke up the next day and of course was concerned about his bday party we had scheduled. So I got back on the phone and started asking the moms what should I do? We all decided the kids really needed the bday party still. They were only 5 and 6 and really didn't need to understand the full complexity of what had just happened. Plus it gave us adults time to comfort each other. So the party went on as planned.
Fast forward 10 years and here we are 9/11/2011 planning his 16th bday and his first road race with CMT at the Cotton Patch Challenge. Please pray for him to do well and have a great time. Amazing how time flies and how life has changed. We are now in Texas and Zach and Carter have Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease, something I never even imagined would happen. Yet, here we are getting ready to celebrate his 16th bday in a couple of days and watch him take on CMT head to head. Am I worried yes, but Sean thinks I am a worry wart. I think I just love my kids an awful lot. On September 15th he will be 16 which for me means, he will be gone in two years to college, he will not need me as much as he used to, he will ignore me more often, choose his friends over me and maybe even a girlfriend over me! I hope he will always remember just how much I love him. How when he doesn't come home on time- mom doesn't sleep.
I know I will make it these next couple of years but it is going to be a rough rode emotionally. I know its time to let go a little but I am just not there! This whole post came from a post from a friend and it just happened to hit me on 9/11 and on his Sixteenth Bday week.
No comments:
Post a Comment