Letting Go Of What Was Is Hard

Today I dropped Carter off at school early and as he was getting out of the car, the Marcus Cross Country team was running by.  They saw him and started yelling "Hey Carter, hi Carter, Carter, we miss you!" As I was driving away I could hear them hollering at him.  I couldn't help but start to cry, I cried because I knew how it was going to affect him. I cried because I miss the team like he does.  I cried because I was mad, mad that this stupid disease has taken away something my son loved doing.  When I got home I wiped away the tears and told myself I have to stay strong for him.  I cannot let him know that I was so torn up about seeing the team run by without him.
 
When Carter came home from school, I let him do his thing and didn't bother him.  He went and changed into his bike clothes and got ready to train indoors.  As he was setting up I asked how his day was knowing that I might hear what I dreaded all day and hoped that I wouldn't.  Unfortunately, he looked at me and said "I was so depressed today mom."  My heart sank and I wanted to cry so bad right then and there but I didn't, instead I listened.  I was right all along it did hurt him watching the team run by without him.  He said as he was walking into the school he wanted to yell "THAT SHOULD BE ME!" "I WANT TO RUN!" "WHY CAN'T THAT BE ME!"  He said at school that is all he could think about but that now he was o.k. He knows it will take time to get over losing something you loved so much.  I gave him a big hug and told him I know its hard and that I was sorry.  If I could take it away I would.  I decided to tell him that I too got emotional seeing them run by and that in time we will all heal.  He got on his bike and instead of doing a long ride he did a fast paced hard core ride, probably to shake it all off.  I think it worked because after his ride, he was off with his best buds Adam and Ross from CC!  Thank God he is so strong!

So all you parents with CMTers and all youths with CMT remember you will have your ups and downs but its how you handle them that counts.  Parents please make sure you take the time to talk to your son or daughter about their day even the strong ones need you.  Depression is something a lot of people don't talk about with this disease but we all need to be aware of it especially, with our kiddos! 

Until Next Time............... "STAY STRONG,BELIEVE"~Carter Hayes